Shadows of Myself

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Float like dancing angels

Through the night

A cold breeze flyís through your body

And you know that everything is right

 

 

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Iron armies with soft bellies

No brains, so no fears

One solider will pick a fight

Twenty will be on the battlefield

 

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Rain drops from open wings

Clouds cover the shining sun

Puddles gather on the road of life

Small streams flow between

 

The water flyís freely

Pure, clean, clear

It has no worries

Itís so beautiful, itís so free.

 

 

Stuck on Zero

Locked in a box

A shy fragile boy

Before it was only scratched on the surface

Now the wound is bleeding

The bloody taste is sticking to the roof of my mouth

Itís not only sore but sticky

A pain unlike any other

A walking corpse

Everything you've ever wanted to have but you canít bare it

The pain I cause myself

Tare myself open every night

Still no answers

A broken link

The nails that I drive into myself

Are starting to rust

Staple my eyelids shut so I canít shut myself out

When in find nothing

I see nothing

The mirror shatters

And half of me wishes I could take back what I've done

The blisters that have grown in my mind

Are beginning to feel comfortable

I grow around myself

And I'm too twisted in my own mind that I canít see straight

My life becomes a blur

Only I'm the one who's making it happen

I've stabbed my fingers through my eyes

I'm the one shutting down

I'm the one who's switching off

Itís me

And the fact that I canít blame anyone else kills me

It only takes one bullet to kill yourself...

.... And I'm stuck on zero

 

 

 

Blue Thorn

A blue thorn

A cold white face

Smothered in darkness

Silhouetted against a broken heart

 

A tear for the night

A toast to the sky

Across a moonlight sprinkled lake

A forest made of stone

 

A howl shudders the roots of all

Scattering ravens awake the dawn

And a fire ignites the sun

The day is alive, yet so dead

And we will never find the reason why?

 

 

 

My Own Coffin

I wake up inside my own coffin

Only I'm not dead

The coffin is my head

I've locked myself in and sent myself straight to hell

I canít break out no matter how hard I try

I scream but I'm only wasting air

I cant save myself because Iím too scared

Fear is the nails in my coffin

And I'm the hammer

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Safe soft arms

Like pillows made of clouds

A warm soft feeling inside

And a knowledge that things are ok

Like fairy dust was sprinkled over you life

A warm smile

Echoed in loving eyes

 

 

The Big City

Endless roads of grey pavement

Black, white, yellow faces

 

War raging in the eyes of all

 

Hatred in the air

Sirens in my ears

A million dead faces

 

 

 

Memories of Poison

My words like icicles down the back of my throat

Slicing through my soul like razors

Blood flows like rivers with a current of sadness and depression

The waters have passed under the bridge now

I no longer see red when I open my eyelids

 

 

 

Strength in Weakness

Tears flow like oceans

So fragile, so beautiful

Like a lone flower

Falling against the wind

 

Playing shadow-games

With my head

I canít stand tall

Unless I see you fall

 

I hate the way that I am

Because itís me

I find it hard to believe

That someday I'll be ok

 

I'm so happy where I am now

I donít ever want to leave

Itís warm here

Unlike the cold harshness of the outside world

 

(With love comes madness)

 

 

 

Addicted to Her

Surrounded by a force

A clear powder

One sniff and your hooked

Addicted to what you love most

A day goes by without a hit

And your heart slows and speeds

I need my warm place

Arms like forests

Take me away from this place

Into your love

A safe place

So gently

Sweet kisses

Warm eyes

And a head-rush

I'm falling into her

And I donít want to pull myself out

I want to stay here forever

As I look at myself, I canít help but fall apart

And only because sheís not here with me.

 

 

 

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These bonds will never break

This love will never die

Our hearts will never stop

This love could never die

 

 

Night

The soft florescent glow

Echoís in the soothing river

 

The sweet air fly's freely through my body

I feel pure

 

The low hissing of insects

Soothing the silence of the night

 

 

 

And I wait...

Thereís insects crawling in my stomach

Laying eggs that are making me sick

I canít kill them because I put them there

They'll be there until they are confronted

And the seconds count down.....

And I wait for the screams.....

And I wait for the silence.....

 

 

 

Words From the Barrel of A Gun

Soldiers at war

Kids

No guns, just voices

A voice more powerful than a gun

Each word a bullet

Each one hurts more than any gun could

 

Few shields could block them

A song

Louder than any gunshot

Piercing the ear like a hot poker

Infecting the mind like a fatal disease

 

The casualties

The weak minded

A playground

Such a war zone

 

Smiles don't last long

When a bullet pierces your heart

A bullet made of letters

A sentence of hatred

A sentence of hurt

 

 

Words are your machine guns

Arm yourself well

Knowledge will always win wars

 

(What calibre is your mouth?)

 

 

 

 

DEAD

Slashes of pain tare at my skin.

Blood pours from my helpless shape.

Pain no longer exists.........

.... It is beyond

I am alone,

I am afraid,

I am numb,

I AM DEAD!

 

Dyeing In Darkness

Trapped inside,

No air to breathe,

No room to stride,

No time to heed.

 

Never get up again,

Never lift a pen,

Never feel or touch,

Or see as much.

 

Am I going forward?...,

Or is it back?

Trapped inside now,

Of air, thereís a lack.

 

Memories are vague,

Silence a plague,

Lonely in my own presence,

Loosing all touch.

 

Fading and Fading,

Can't see the light of day,

Everything is darker now,

Can't seem to find a way out.

 

 

 

 

The Great War of Man

This war is for me

Soldiers positioned at hells gates

Wanting to walk by but realising the dangers

Lies can spread like cancer

And can kill with great pain

 

Backup will be ready

But no army do I hold

Guns and grenades can detonate

But no tanks can protect me

 

Foot soldiers will be positioned

At each side

Waiting for first gunshot

War is waiting in the banks

 

Face the fire

Flack jackets wonít work

Wounds can heal but leave scars

Dreaming wonít get rid of the truth

 

 

 

 

The Orchard of Friendship

Thereís something missing

A broken link

I keep thinking its me

But no, itís not

Itís him, he's the problem

Whatís wrong?

Did I do something?

I canít remember

I donít think so

Is it because of his grandfather?

No. It was before that

He's been dead now for a while

He just sits there

Dead, emotionless

This isnít the friend I once knew

He was different

He was caring

He was weird, interesting

I preferred him

He was fun

He was unpredictable

Now he is quite

He is boring

He's dead

I donít think we can be friends anymore

I still see the roots of our relationship

But the branches are broken and the leaves withered

 

New seeds need to be sown

This orchard in old and withered

But still holds a mighty strength

 

New day. New seeds

 

 

 

The seeds of violence

The seed of violence,

As sown by the father,

Actions into his mind,

Which were further nurtured,

By a life of hate

 

Brought up around violence,

Learned to evolve with a fist for hate,

Taught to raise his fists,

To plan out his faith

 

 

 

 

Sickness in Secrecy

The putrid smell of sickness

Corridors and corridors of rooms

Clean yet so filthy

Death is in the air

 

Pain, suffering, hurt

White coats, white sheets

Clean yet so filthy

 

Disease, so white and pure

Death, so clean and soft

Flowers, bottles and pill

Line the bedside

As a reminder of whatís happening

 

 

Sleeping in death

Alone as I sleep,

Silenced in my mind,

Searching and searching

No love can I find.

 

White with numb,

I face the shadows,

Cold with the image,

The thought of my foes.

 

Paralysed from the brain down,

Sometimes wishing I had drowned,

Can't bear to face another day,

I need out, give me a way?

 

Symphony of pain,

Ringing in my ears,

Louder and louder,

The taste of my tears.

 

 

 

Trains With Faces

Trains and trains of people

Going places

Meeting people

Coming home

It isnít really the journey

Just the faces you meet along the way.

 

 

 

 

Ocean Of Love

I sink into an ocean of warm delight

Candles line the seashore

Music sooths my tired ears

Tired from the continuous chirping oh the little sparrows

And the agonizing screams of the beasts

My mind wonders...

Eyes closed.....

But I see clearer then ever...

The precious rose that wraps its stem around my naked heart

Blossoms in wonderful colours that brighten my journey

A warm love echoes....

.... Reflected in shining eyes

 

 

 

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Where is this feeling coming from?

Has something happened that I missed?

I seem ok but when I think about it

I notice something is missing

Turn out the lights....

Shut the door....

They to remember....

Is it an illness?

Why do I feel this way?

I know something is missing

But what is it?

Maybe Iím just overanalyzing myself?

A great white light....

Thin curtains...

A great silence...

I still canít remember

My body is a blank

Pull back the trigger....

Fire myself into her...

To find the answer....

 

 

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Could I be dead?

Or is it just me?

Inside my head?

Do I even care?

 

Do I know now?

Or will I be?

Will I go on?

And will I see?

 

 

 

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If I take back what I've said

I'd be eating my words as they burn my lips

I have to carry on

Like a dog on a lead with stabilizers

No more antibiotics

No more "I"

 

 

Carpe Diem

Grab life by the horns

And ride through the night

Each day is a gift

Take it with appreciation

And make full use of it

Embrace.

Chance.

Live.

 

 

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I wear walls

You canít get me

I shield my heart

Only the true are let in

 

 

 

Walking Dead

Every day

I walk like a wounded animal

These things that surround me have no value to me

They donít mean anything to me anymore

Only when I'm with her does the world make sense

When Iím with her everything is right

I understand things and see them so clearly

I walk dazed for years

5 years

 

 

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the world goes away

Everything around you means nothing

Words pass through you

Crawl like an injured insect

Nothing matters

Your heart tares

A longing for her

Seconds seem like days

Minutes like weeks

And days like years

My world falls down

 

 

Diseased

Stay away

I'm sick inside

I'm unworthy

Useless, thatís me

Spit in my face why donít you?

Donít worry

It doesnít sting much

My defences are down

Like a little boy

Lying wide eyed staring into nothing

I donít feel too good

Never will

Never mind

 

 

Cold Black Stare

Eyeliner

A cold black stare

Into nothing

Or maybe something

What has she seen?

A reflection probably

Break the glass eye

Read my pages

Between the lines

The ink is smudged

Only the holes can shine

Bruises

You wear what you say

I hide my real scars

The ones of my own making

Ashamed, more like scared

Of what?

Myself

 

 

 

Doll-face

Plastic face with a smile of gold

A mirror shatters

Clean, clear and beautiful

 

A broken doll

Cheep materials

The toy no one wants

Its features are faded

 

It doesnít do much

Just sits and does nothing

Canít save the day

Isnít a fairytale prince

 

Its arms are broken

Its face distorted

Deformed and diseased

Why would anyone want it?

 

 

 

The Demon on My Back

The demon inside me never died

It stuck its nails deep into my back

And held on with the grip of a thousand men

No force could break it

A deep incision

Iíve been stapled to myself

I try to break free but

I only tighten its grip

My fear....

.... Will I ever break free?

 

 

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She's got steels tears

And they burn my shoulder

Her eyes are frozen

And her wounds are older

 

 

Eyes

a billion mirror-eyes

Staring at no-one but you

Turn the lens

It still stares straight at you

Youíre being watched by no one

 

 

 

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The dancing tiger

Hisses at the sound of its self-pity

The flower is withered

The bullet, fired

All hell is broken

Only the dead can survive

 

 

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I read old words

The pictures they paint

The lies they portray

Was their ever anything?

Could you ever be free?

 

 

Nothing

Mind numbing TV fuzz

Lack of feeling goodness

Not black

But Grey

A thin line

A heavy sound

Flashes of bright light

Blind

But seeing everything as it really is

...Nothing

 

 

The Staked

It stakes me

Trouble

Wearing black

To hide itself

I never see it coming

But I always see it leave

 

 

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Blind comments

Open insults to hide their fears

Canít they be real?

Eyes that pierce my side

Grow up

You need a brain

And more so a heart

 

 

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A silent crash

The car steers to the left

The mirror is the first to go

The scraping kills me

The leaking of petrol

The sent is in the air

And fire is hunting

 

 

 

 

 

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We are all dead creatures

Some find life inside

Others wither and die in their own sadness

 

 

Dead Roses

A rose sings in its silent garden

It sings not for others but for itself

And all around dead roses find life

And bloom in colours of white and red

They leave behind their tears

And sing for their new life

Theyíre new light

 

 

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Crowded teeth

Pulling out

Will only leave me

With nothing

 

 

 

The Ship of Suffering

The colour of the ship

As it sails through oblivion

Changes furiously in the midnight sun

Its sails tattered and its deck awash with water

The passengers can do nothing but wait

 

Patience, hope

The rain still pours

The wind still blows

No matter how many prayers

It doesnít matter

No one can stop the storm

The waves get higher

Crash, crash

The ship is alone on the horizon

Thereís no answer, try again

All we can do is hope

(And fear will always creep up behind you)

 

 

 

 

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A tear sprinkled torture

That opens your eyes

And rids you of your demons

In the shadow of your lies

 

 

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I felt the blood flow from her fingers

Cold and sore

Her head was tinted

A bullet wound

Turn out the lights

The sun burns her skin

Her nails bite her back

Scratch the womb

Tare open the wound

A broken face

The mirror shatters

Flicker

Gone

 

 

 

The Taste of Defeat

I drink my own blood

Its taste

A bitter-sweet shock

Slide into myself

The walls are too high to climb

If only I had a ladder

I though I had

But the further I climbed

The lower I got

 

 

Escaping Myself

Create an escape

Only to find you

Locked yourself inside

The sound echoes

Louder, louder

I wonít go away

 

 

 

 

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A silver princess

With moonlit eyes

A crippled angel

In her skyís

 

Soft skin surrender

Mascara burn

Will you remember?

Will I ever learn?

 

 

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Golden shadows

Reflections in the whites of her eyes

Warm colours surrounded by a cold wind

Fallen soldiers

Wither in the winter sky

 

 

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I'm tasting my own blade again

The blood that runs through my fingers is my own

I've always brought it upon myself

The razor shatters

Mirror cracks

What can I do?

I'm just a child

Always will be

 

Secret scars

Wish you could understand

The conscious of the unconscious

You never could

Itís not your fault

The tears sting my eyes

And they'll never go away

I wish they'd go away

I wish they'd go away

 

 

The Road to Nowhere

 

The quite night is devoured by the flickering stars

That line the roadside and guide us to our destination

The hissing of the beasts as they rage on is

Silenced by the sharp wind that cuts through their bellies

The city never sleeps

Its rests

But always keeps a constant hum

 

We stop to rest upon the ocean

The beasts have halted

The wind pierces my side

The stars are getting fewer

Our journey is coming to an end

 

 

Dead In My Head

 

Still fish eyes

Motionless

Cold lips

His heart beats

But he no longer moves

Or feels

Burn the stitches

Go further just to feel

Numb

Wish I felt the way I did

Bring back the fore

Bring back the fears

Bring back the tears

 

 

 

Erase Me (Hide in the shadows)

Weak with hunger

I stumble upon a sea of concrete

I stop to rest

The water is cold

The salt stings my cuts

Peer into the great depths

Maybe I'll find something

Probably not

I canít give up

Thatís not like me

Well I havenít really been myself lately

Burn my digits

Shave my body

Take everything away from me

Burn everything Iíve ever touched

Erasure

Hide in the shadows

Hide in the shadows

 

 

 

Heel / Heal

Tare my shield to shreds

They canít stop me

But you

Ohh yes, you

You can break me in a second

You know me too well

You know my weaknesses

 

How could I ever escape you?

I could die in my head here

And you wouldnít even notice

Crippled

 

Iím feeling dizzy

I havenít eat or slept in days

My boots weigh me down

 

I loose my will to smile

Everything becomes a metaphor

Everything dies

 

 

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Devour the skin

The night is young

And filled with chance

 

 

 

Birth of the Day

Silver Lining

A golden shine

Curtains flow in the wind

The breeze is warm and welcome

The day has just been born 

 

 

 

A Relationship Ending

Crumbled pages

Another goodbye

Fade to black

He canít

The fire still burns

What will come of them?

What will come of my dear friends?

 

Theatre of Tears

Plastic teardrops

Itís all a big show

The audience are on their toes

Waiting, waiting

What will she do next?

The lower canít get much higher

Smash the light bulbs

A fist-full of blood

Stains that wonít wash

It still flows

It wonít stop

Make it stop

Make it stop

 


I fall on Deaf Ears

I become a shadow

Hover in the darkness

Seldom see the light

I apologize for not understanding

Awkward

Shatter of glass

Still silence

Voices that speak foreign languages

The day has not yet begun

Canít you hear me screaming?

I wish you could hear me

 

 

The Paint Always Bleeds

I tare the canvas

He paint runs down slowly

Painfully

The light changes

A missing moment

The noise wonít stop

The silence is piercing

Slit your throat

Slide the razor

The light reflects

An edge of something

Maybe depression

Maybe nothing

Questions, thoughts, ideas

Mind racing

Burnt pictures

Memories of what could have been

Never mind. Itíll be ok.

Over-analyzing, I always am

Relax

Breathe 2, 3, 4  

 

 

 

Search For A Cure

Sick, cold

Darkness

Pull the feathers from the sky

Falling, falling

Wonít you catch me?

Iíd never expect that of you

My stomach starts to eat itself

My mind looses its grip

Patience

Relax

Deep breathís 

Nothing helps

 

I wish I wasnít here

Itís not a safe ground for me

I stumble

Tired limbs

 Maybe I'll sit here for awhile

And find some air

 

Blood begins to clot

Air is becoming scarce

Drift

Shut my eyes

Hide behind my eyelids

Find a warm place

Screaming, screaming

It echoes....

Screaming, screaming

I wish I could die

 

 

 

Children of the Sky

The Skyís of our ancestors are dark

Set free your children upon the night

For they can shine in the sky

If you teach them love

 

 

 

Changes

Gone are the crazy days

The late nights wondering the streets

The dew-drenched mornings exploring the woods

Companions have come and gone

Everything is changing

Noting stays the same

 

 

 

 

 

A Stranger from The Past

Wondering eyes

Cold hands

Strange words

A face that tells of bad memories

 

An awkward silence

The air seems tight

The trail of bad events

Maybe it will take flight

 

Remember when....

Nah Iíd rather forget

Wish I could

But you wonít let me breath

 

 

The Journey to the Sun

Dance in the sky, my child

The still forest captures your soul

 

A moon steals your sun for awhile

Donít worry, take the road to the river

And bathe in its moonlit current

 

The sun will rise and break the night

Like a great beast that hunts in the wilderness

 

Follow the rays

Follow the current

Follow your heart

 

 

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Death falls like blood-soaked raindrops

In the November sky

Angels line the moon at night

And watch for fallen stars

 

 

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I burn ink on paper

So that someday

Someone will read my scribbles

I can always hope....

 

 

 

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Paper air

Choke

Still silent stance

Eyes are everywhere

The mirror sees all

Interruptionís

Bad psychology   

 

 

 

 

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